THROUGH THE FIRE
Spring Awakening
By Mari Nakano
Sunday, April 12, 2009

Springtime is often a season associated with cleaning and refreshening. It’s sunnier, the days are starting to get longer, and nature is coming out of its slumber. There’s a sense that something has cycled it’s way through and is arriving at a new starting point. Even though we see the seasons change in the same manner every year, it still feels new, it still feels different and it still feels special in a way.

For me, this time of year invites me to reflect on my own cycles and my own awakenings. It also invites me to think about the unawakened things, the things that are still asleep in me. I guess you could say that I’m at a time in my life where there exists a multi-pronged fork in the road ahead. I feel like I often come to these intersections not just because it just so happens that my life has been planned out that way, but because somewhere deep down inside I actually enjoy knowing that my life isn’t on a straight and narrow path. In my opinion, I don’t think most people have a singular path. Perhaps there is a main vein we’re meant to travel on, but like the human body, there are smaller tributaries we can choose. And I suppose if you look at it all metaphorically, despite what path you choose, no matter how large or small, it’s fine as long as it goes to the heart.

I know I’m being very general, but we are each our own. We are not all meant to charge down some main vein of life. What matters is that we do our best to get to wherever we, as a whole, are going.

I’m generally a very planned-out and organized person. I make lists, I set daily goals, I categorize things and try to be intentional in most things I do. Lists and goals are great for structure, but with that comes worry, self-doubt and frustration to certain extents. In the past few months, I’ve been consciously trying to act a little more freely, not in a way that is by any means irresponsible or disorganized, but I suppose the best way to put is that I’m trying to test out living in a way where I can be more trusting of the ephemeral ideas that float by. I still make plenty of lists and categorize things like crazy, but I’ve been more willing to sort of let go and take on things not of my usual self. Sometimes I wake up wondering if it’s too risky for me to push limits to which I normally constrain myself, but at this time in my life, there is a comforting feeling in following through on ideas that are coming from a more subconscious or deeper place, that is less attached to reasoning, but more attached to heartfelt intuitions.

Spring is this strange time of transition. For the most part, it’s beautiful and colorful, but it’s also surreal in the sense that we can be witness to a cyclical pattern of growth and change uncontrolled by us. Maybe it is the fact that I’m looking out a sunny window and listening to birds chirping that is causing me to write all of this, but somehow, the world got back to this point again and again for the twenty-ninth consecutive time in my life, and there’s something to observe and learn from nature.

I probably sound like some overly philosophical person right now, but I think it is important that we are aware of our surroundings and aware of how we exist. I’m not here to write about the meaning of life because that is somewhat relative and somewhat subjective to the individual. There is nothing necessarily wrong with being simply comfortable with where you are right now, but sometimes it might behoove us to review ourselves and ask ourselves what we’re doing here. I think it’s good to question what you’re doing, as well as what you’re not doing. To be critical of yourself in a balanced way helps instill self–growth.

There are several things that have happened within this first half of 2009 that have allowed me to tell people that I’m sailing comfortably on open waters, and I suppose it’s timely for me to be able to say that because it’s really allowing me to think more openly about my next steps. It’s a little scary, but I figure this is as good a time as any to be daring about my life. Spring has been serving it’s purpose well and I hope it reveals new ideas, stronger paths and a sense of revival in each of us.
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Mari Nakano is a member of Higashi Honganji’s Bombu Taiko. She is a freelance graphic designer and attends Art Center College of Design. The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.